Agony

Intense pain of mind or body.

Extreme physical or mental pain.

This series confronts the rawest parts of being human, the kind of pain that consumes both mind and body. Each self-portrait is a reflection of survival, giving form to emotions too heavy to hold inside. Through creating, I found a way to face the ache, to transform anguish into something tangible, honest, and ultimately, healing.

Agony - Self-Portrait, 2013

36"x48"

This piece was born from one of the darkest moments in my life, when the weight of sorrow felt unbearable and I longed for release. This figure, with blood flowing from its heart, became my way of giving form to what I could no longer contain. Creating it was how I processed the pain, how I began to understand it and move through it.

As difficult as it is to face, I love this piece deeply. It holds the hardest part of me, the breaking, the bleeding, and the quiet strength that followed. It reminds me that even through the deepest agony, there can be transformation. I am still here because I found a way to turn pain into art.

Agony - Self-Portrait: Infertility, 2024

36" x 48"

I had been working on this piece for a long time. It lived in my notebook since March 2023, and even longer in my mind. I knew it belonged in Agony, but it was painful to move it from thought to reality. Creating it was a way to begin healing from that chapter of my life.

Here she is, in all her beauty. I am very proud of this piece. I cried many times as I worked through it. The empty space represents the part of me that will never be, the loss of something I never had, and my heart aches. I will continue to process, always processing.